Train to Busan (2016)

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Train to Busan (2016)

Director: Sang-Ho Yeon
Stars: Yoo Gong, Yu-Mi Jung, Dong-seok Ma, Su-an Kim

This entry is another banger on my Flick List. Train to Busan, like the other entries so far, came to me highly recommended and didn’t disappoint. Next time I’m going to have to search for an absolute piece of shit otherwise you’ll start to think it’s just wine and roses around here. A thrilling zombie picture from director Sang-Ho Yeon, Train to Busan is the classic tale of an affluent, yet absent father who struggles to connect with his resentful 10 year-old daughter… who he must protect from hordes of the living dead on a bullet train to Busan. This film somehow only cost $8,500,000 to make while pulling in an impressive $90,600,000. Seriously, I don’t know how this only cost $8.5 million; it’s amazing that people can make one whole film with money equivalent to what Disney/Marvel spend on a single frame focusing on The Hulk’s ass. Admittedly, I enjoy all zombie related media, whether it’s good, bad, or somewhere in between. The only notable exceptions being The Walking Dead show, which is the single most over rated show in television history and The Resident Evil movies, which were the greatest disappointments of my life (I’ve had a pretty decent run). So that being said, a flick as well done as Train to Busan is going to rock my world…

First of all Train to Busan is a Korean film, so there are English subtitles. I know there’s been a lot of controversy lately with Korean film and their having *GASP* subtitles, so let me tell you what, if you have trouble reading subtitles over a moving picture and it actively causes you grief or anger, do us all a favor and self-immolate. If a subtitled Korean film winning best picture at the Oscars vexes thee, go watch Transformers 9: Cruise Control and leave us the hell alone. Second, often in films that are Japanese, Korean, Chinese or Hong Kong in origin there are moments of melodrama that to you may seem out of place, weird or funny. For instance in a tense moment a character may wistfully reminisce about a friend or family member, we may get a freeze frame of two characters sharing a lovely moment or we may see emotion on screen that a North American viewer may find over-the-top or corny. It’s not over-the-top, corny, out of place, weird or funny, they have different aesthetics and conventions and they’re fucking awesome. Stop laughing jerks, yes I’m talking to you, dipshit film students watching The Killer in Popular Film 201 circa 2005. I hope Chow Yun Fat roundhouses your skulls. Third, go watch Train to Busan, it’s on Netflix!

118 minutes is our run time for this work of art. Contained within we have everything we will ever need in a survivor ensemble. Reluctant hero and dick dad, Seok-woo (Yoo Gong), who can’t Wiimember already buying his daughter a Wii. Expectant mother Seong-kyeong (Yu-mi Jung) who acts as a sort of surrogate mother to Soo-an (Su-an Kim), the child of Seok-woo who is doing the impossible here by movie standards in she’s not being a burden or annoying as hell in a life or death situation. You rule Soo-an! Next up is my personal favourite Sang-hwa (Dong-seok Ma) the clever bad ass with a heart of gold. Rounding out our friends are cute Baseball couple Yong-guk and Jin-hee (Woo-sik Choi and Sohee) and Homeless Man (Gwi-hwa Choi). Of course we need the real enemy, man. A rich CEO named Yon-suk (Eui-sung Kim) who has no regard for any life but his own. We don’t need to squint too hard to see what this selfish sack of dicks represents. He also represents mass lols, because he sacrifices lackey’s he’s recruited to buy a few more precious seconds of life. They deserve it, don’t judge me.

Local idiot and dear friend Brandon Cleaver had this to say:

“Unlike Snowpiercer, Train to Busan is actually a good movie about trains”

Brandon Cleaver, Calgary, Alberta

That is a scorching hot take asshole, you’re also not effusive enough with Train to Busan, it’s a fucking awesome movie and I’m going to buy it.

What stood out for me early in this flick was how unique the movements of the zombies were, the actors deserve a lot of credit. I’m no doctor but these twists, turns and jolts they were doing appeared impossibly unnatural. I’d be curious to learn whether they were some kind of break dancers, contortionists, or the like, but I’m far too lazy to google that right now. Also until quite late in the game there are no firearms present. Our heroes must survive on their wits and blunt instruments (I don’t even think a gun is fired). There were a few times I was reminded of World War Z throughout the run time, for instance I thought “Wowie if World War Z were like this flick it would have been good!” and “Gee Whiz, the way the horde moves is reminiscent of World War Z, but actually done well!”. It also had me thinking “Cool, the horde looks incredibly realistic, unlike World War Z!” and finally “I can’t wait for the sequel to World War Z, maybe Brad Pitt can survive 7 plane crashes this time!”. Hmm this list of zombie related media that I detest is piling up. Perhaps I’m too hard on World War Z… Nah, it sucked.

Unlike World War Z this flick will not disappoint as you join your heroes on their adventure of survival horror. As the train’s passengers become infected our survivors must navigate the train’s cars as they beat away the undead while battening down the hatches. I wouldn’t call Train to Busan particularly scary, but it sure is thrilling. I genuinely cared about the characters and wanted them to succeed in their mission to survive the ride to Busan, but this is a zombie movie and these hordes aren’t playing around. And of course there’s always man to worry about in these sort of scenarios and here is no different. If you’re familiar with zombie movies you know that as soon as we’re introduced to Yon-suk, the affluent CEO, more often than not he’s the sort that’s going to cause problems. When regarding the Homeless Man, he tells Soo-an something like “See that’s why you stay in school”, to which she proudly retorts “My mother says that’s what bad people say”, no doubt kid. That’s only Soo-an’s second best zinger, her all-time dagger is captioned in the picture header. I imagine that’s what my daughter will say to me in about 10 years, just an absolute dagger.

A flick filled with thrilling action, clever solutions to problems, tender moments and hordes of undead, this movie has everything to satiate the zombie flick fan and should be inserted into your brain asap. If I have one complaint, it’s that it wasn’t particularly gory, which is perfectly fine. I just really like seeing the teeth rip at the skin and our victims being torn apart by the undead (not our heroes of course, the random folk and the bad guys). Mmmm ya know, just clench those teeth on that skin and tear a chunk off, get a nice blood squirt, you got a gore stew going. That being said there is blood and there are some decent squirts, but the gore factor is definitely muted and that’s A-Ok.

So as we wrap up I declare this the best Zombies on a train movie in existence. It may be the only one, but I’m confident all future Zombie train movies will be unable to compare. Unfortunately I could not keep an accurate body count, so you can and should hold that against me. In my defense, it is a zombie movie and scores of random people are eaten and or turned into the living dead, I simply lost count. Have I mentioned this is on Netflix? The best train related media entry since the YouTube video of Thomas the Tank Engine doing Brio stunts to a Notorious BIG song.

Body Count: I already told you I couldn’t keep track.

My Fear Level: 5/10 (Again more thrilling than scary)

Normie Fear Estimation: 5.5/10

IMDB Rating: 7.5/10 (126,437 votes, 855 dummies gave it a 1 and are probably watching World War Z right now. 479 jamokes gave it a 2 and are probably watching a Resident Evil movie right now. 764 mooks gave it a 3 and are probably watching The Walking Dead reruns right about now.)

Rotten Tomatoes: 93% Critic, 88% Audience

The Only Rating that Matters: 9/10

Does it have an Exploding Head? No, it’s greatest flaw.

Have an absolutely ghoooooulish evening.